“It all started as a diet in order to fit better within the beauty standards”
What I learned from battling anorexia
Eating disorders affect at least 9% of the population worldwide, 1% of which suffer from anorexia nervosa. In addition to this, 10,200 deaths each year are a direct result of disordered eating habits. Nonetheless, rarely do we hear about the second deadliest mental illness in the U.S., just one spot behind opioid overdoses.
Like so many other people, the 2020 pandemic had a profound effect on me. When faced with one of the longest quarantines in the world, in Cartagena, Colombia, my young sixteen-year-old self coped with all the grief and desperation the only way I felt I could: restricting my food intake.
It all started as a diet in order to fit better within the beauty standards imposed upon society in the 21st century. However, it quickly spiraled into a life-threatening eating disorder that left me undernourished. To me, my restriction was a way to remain in control. I consider one of my biggest strengths to be my determination and perfectionism. Nevertheless, it was through this experience that I learned how most things in life are a double-edged sword; one of my most prominent advantages quickly became the reason for my downfall. My striving for perfection morphed my so-called healthy habits into a coping mechanism that allowed me to take control of the one thing I still had power over, while everything else was slowly unravelling due to COVID-19.
Now, almost one year into this state of emergency the world has found itself in, I can proudly say I’m recovered from anorexia and thriving. Although the situation I found myself in was extremely sensitive and dangerous, I’m almost grateful for it because it allowed me to grow and blossom into the person I am today: an empowered and confident woman set on a course of self-love and gentle nourishment.
Dealing with an eating disorder has taught me valuable lessons that are essential to a more wholesome and positive existence. For starters, things are rarely linear, and this applies both to recovery and life. Over the course of our existence, we are meant to face ups and downs; the key is how we respond to these calamities and what we are able to learn from them. In these situations, determination and perfectionism can quickly turn on you, the reason for which we must learn to take a step back and gain perspective. We need to learn to be okay with our mistakes and be comfortable with our errors for our opportunities to evolve and be discovered.
Another indispensable discovery was the art of self-love and compassion towards our own selves. Throughout life, we are our only true, long-lasting companions, a reason for which practicing self-compassion is of the utmost importance. In a society so full of hate and competition, love is one of the quintessential fuels to keep us going forward and encouraging ourselves to reach our full potential in a productive and healthy manner.
From my anorexia, many lessons were learned. In regards to approaching future obstacles, I’m now aware of the importance of stepping back and properly assessing the necessary and the best course of action for solving such predicaments. Acting rashly and impulsively can worsen situations, and although experiencing emotions is a good thing, acting with perspective after fully processing them is the better alternative. In life, there is room for mistakes, there is room for shame, and there is room for feelings. When facing obstacles, we are allowed to feel these generally stigmatized emotions, but what matters the most is how we respond to them, and consequently, to the problems we face.
*Writer prefers to be left anonymous
