“I am a mental health warrior in my community”

Recovery from anorexia, an eating disorder, goes beyond simply recovering what my eating disorder stole away from me; it is finding out who I am now that I have the knowledge and skills I learned throughout recovery. What am I going to do with it? What is my identity?

My name is Sterling. I go by He/Him Pronouns. I am now an 18- year old Trent University Student studying a double major in chemistry and psychology. I am winning in my battle against anorexia! If I go back mere months before my start at university, I was in a very dark place mentally. If I go back about a year, I applied to university in a hospital bed on bedrest.

I have always battled with high levels of anxiety and perfectionism; it was during the beginning of grade-9 when my eating disorder dug its claws into my life in a desperate attempt for myself to find control in my life. It spiralled out of control. I was engaging in more and more disordered behaviours each day. My eating disorder led me to believe that engaging in these behaviours would give me a sense of achievement and accomplishment; however, it did neither.

Throughout my recovery, I still struggled. I had panic attacks and I cried (a lot); however, I was getting much better. Yet, this was all abruptly interrupted by Covid-19. I relapsed, but through virtual treatment and my determination to get to my goal of university that year, I started making recovery-orientated decisions and I started getting better. I did accomplish my goal. I am at university right now. I am able to intuitively enjoy foods that are fun! I have the energy and headspace to do what I want!

I am a mental health warrior in my community, Instagram, nationally and internationally. In my first new interview on Canadian television when asked how it feels to be a mental health advocate after a long battle, I said, “It doesn’t feel real”. That is extremely accurate! In less than 1 year I was able to completely rediscover myself and forge a new identity I never ever thought was possible.

In writing this I hope to change the narrative around eating disorders. They are not a life sentence; there is always hope for recovering into an enjoyable and fulfilling life worth living! I am sharing this to show that you can still recover in the midst of a pandemic. You never have to face your battles alone! There are always people and organizations who can show you that hope is out there, including EDify Talks!

P.S. Mental illness doesn’t have a look and everyone’s experience is just as valid whether they have a diagnosis or not, no matter what weight they are at, whether or not they have been hospitalized, etc!

Sincerely,
Sterling Renzoni
IG: @mentalhealthwsterling