“At a young age a rift was created within me”

Growing up as a first-generation child of immigrants and the eldest child, I constantly struggled with identity. The more I tried to align with my 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, the more I was 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐝 for it. ⁣
⁣
At home I spoke Punjabi — my first language — with my family and as I got older I was mocked for my accent. ⁣
At school I spoke English and read as much as I could because I feared being ridiculed for having an accent.⁣
⁣
At home I (begrudgingly) ate roti and daal. ⁣
At school I ate hot dogs, pizza, and sandwiches. ⁣
⁣
At home I was expected to be neat and tidy. ⁣
At school I could play in the mud if I wanted to. ⁣
⁣
At home I had to hold my tongue. ⁣
At school I was free to express myself. ⁣
⁣
At home I had to help with housework and be subservient to the men of the household. ⁣
At school I was held to the same standards as my male counterparts. ⁣
⁣
At a young age a rift was created within me. I saw the way things were done in the Old World and I saw the ways they were wrong and held womxn back. I craved to break into the New World and live a life of 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧. I always felt I was meant to do more than live a comfortable life as a docile housewife. ⁣
⁣
Now I stand here, almost a year after I made the hardest decision of my life and I stand proud. I’m proud of how far I’ve come from that conflicted girl who wasn’t Indian enough and wasn’t American enough. I stand here fully embracing both aspects of my identity — as an Indian 𝐚𝐧𝐝 American woman.

——
To all the people struggling, don’t rely on external solutions. You hold all the answers within you. Sit with yourself and let your heart speak your truth.

Shared by Simren. Follow her along on IG here!