“I learned the powerful bond of human relationships”
[Throughout middle school], I was struggling with my aspirations & my identity, which was a cause of everything I was going through at school and I had random bursts of rage towards them. This period was the most “rebellious” I’ve been (which really isn’t that rebellious). Your girl’s behavior stemmed from major insecurity. I felt lonely the entire time, & honestly looked forward to yearbook signings as my source of validation and because I could go home & show my parents at all the “friends” I had.
I remember having a regular doctor’s checkup either 7th or 8th grade. You get handed one of those questionnaires if you’re feeling depressed or suicidal. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. I’m not sure what made me that day, but I checked the box that said “I felt like wanting to die within the past 6 months.”That was the only box I checked. I was immediately told to meet up with a therapist. My mom gave me the confused look & said “you what?” I only had one therapy session before I left because my family thought it was a waste of time so I got pulled out – undiagnosed. This is where the whole “mental health doesn’t exist” stereotype in Indian culture becomes problematic. The stereotype is based on the notion that if it isn’t a physical ailment, then it isn’t an issue, it isn’t an illness. I walked in & out of that office clueless as can be. I didn’t know what therapy was & I didn’t know why I had to be there. I didn’t know of mental health. I didn’t know anything except that I really was struggling to live.
[Fast forward to college,] I thank God for blessing me with an amazing roommate who was there for me thick & thin. If it wasn’t for her & a couple of my other friends, there is no way I would’ve made it out of that semester sane. I tend to keep my feelings to myself because I don’t want people to deal with my burdens. I never ask for help because I feel ashamed & just don’t want to ask people for time. I just kinda hope & pray that someone I know reads my mind & reaches out. But my roommate was very similar to me in that she was the same way so she knew exactly how I felt just by looking into my eyes. She texted me sometimes to just check up on me, & that simple gesture meant the world especially since I’m not one to reach out for help. I remember one of my teammates saying she kept praying for me & that brought me to tears. My coach also kept calling me to make sure I was okay.
It was during this time that I learned the powerful bond of human relationships. After years of struggling finding my people, I discovered a miracle that I’ve been longing for – genuine human connection paired with unconditional love. I owe it to these people for getting me through, especially to my roommate who ever so patiently listened to everything & genuinely cared for my success. This period of turmoil brought us closer as friends, as roommates, & it’s safe to say I consider her to be the sister I never had.
Every time I thought I lost myself, I just ended up finding another part which upgraded me a level to get closer to my life purpose. I have learned a lot of lessons, I have been shaped a lot, and you have too. It’s all part of this life plan. Life is not meant to be easy, it’s supposed to push you to the point of discomfort right before you’re blessed with a bunch of miracles. It’s all part of the better plan, so have trust in it.
Life is meant to be here in the now & appreciate every moment of gratitude. You will have your ups & downs. You will have your moments of pure joy just as much as you’ll have those moments of wanting to give up. It’s okay to not feel high vibe all the time. I don’t think that’s natural. It’s normal for everyone to have feelings, so don’t be ashamed of them. Be so grateful you get the chance to experience these emotions because you care so deeply and you have such a big heart to do so.
Humans are imperfect beings with profound stories to them. Let’s always be kind to each other because we never know what people are going through. The mind can end up being a dangerous place to be if its boundaries aren’t respected correctly. If no one has told you today, I’m here to tell you that I love you & I’m grateful to be breathing this air with you.
Story shared by Preethi. Follow her along on IG here!
