“As males, we grow up in a world which produces a lot of toxic masculinity.”
Boys are supposed to grow up strong. They are supposed to grow up as independent beings who can conquer the world. Boys are supposed to be able to take criticism and deal with it, hide their feelings, or not have any feelings at all. This is what is expected of boys. Well, at least it’s expected by a huge chunk of society. Not one part of my first three sentences is true, but many people refuse to accept that.
As males, we grow up in a world which produces a lot of toxic masculinity. There are those who believe in only one type of man: the stereotypical ‘macho man.’ Some believe we never cry, or that we don’t care about the feelings of others. Some believe we drive only big diesel trucks, watch only wrestling, or listen to only rock music. This can turn into a cause and effect situation, especially for a man. He hears about each of these things and determines this is the only true life to live as a male. When it doesn’t work out that way, it causes him to feel insecure about himself. In effect, he may hide away in his room, crying and silently begging for help. But only silently, because god forbid anyone hear him crying and he would be labeled ‘weak’ or a ‘snowflake.’ I’ve heard those terms more than a few times in my lifetime and I want it to end.
I grew up in a small town hidden away in southern Indiana. If you know much about the Midwest, you know that it’s where the majority of your ‘American rednecks’ can be found. Of course, this influenced me and played a huge role in my youth. Not so much the ‘country-boy’ side of things, but the belief that I had to be big and bad to fit in. The belief that all muscles and a little bit of brain was the best way to make friends. This belief, well, sort of turned my life upside down. It caused me to be emotionless because I couldn’t have feelings whatsoever, right? It caused me to change everything about me. My size, my clothes, the way I ate, the way I acted; the list goes on and on. I bet you can guess where that led me to. Yep, I ended up in one of the darkest places of my life. I was becoming this me that I didn’t like so much, and I forgot everything about the real Gavan. I was not myself for two years, and even though I have only been here for nineteen years, it was the worst two of my life. Would I take it back and start over? Simple answer: no. Why you ask? Well, because now I am able to be here and do exactly this: help break the stigma facing men and mental health.
You see, there really is this stigma around men and their mental health. No one knows exactly what a man feels or goes through because the second he feels alone or distraught, he locks himself in his room and pulls himself from the world. We just don’t know because it isn’t talked about. Because the second society finds out, these men…me…we become weak-minded and inadequate. It isn’t fair for us because we are often laughed at and told to “man up” but all we really want is to be able to talk with someone. We want nothing more than to share our feelings, but instead we are told to bottle them inside and not let them show. It all boils down to this, though. Whether society would like to believe it or not; I mean, then who would they be able to pick on? (I know, there are a lot of people, I’m just using this for reference.) We are men, but we are human. Just like women are human. We can’t be expected to hold in the tears for the span of our lives. We can’t be expected to hide away and pretend like everything is fine and dandy, when in reality, our lives are falling to pieces. Therefore, I am wanting to speak up about this. I want to be an advocate for men and our mental health and work to break the stigma which exists in society today.
Story shared by Gavan D. Follow him along on IG here!
