Lost in the ‘Shoulds’: Navigating Self-Doubt and Finding My Own Path

Confused. Overwhelmed. Lost. “Am I doing things right? Am I doing life right?” Anxious. Overstimulated. My head is buzzing, louder and louder. “I’ve just failed, haven’t I?”

These questions and thoughts anxiously swirl in my mind, taking up too much space these days. “Where did I go wrong? Am I messing up my whole life trajectory? Will I ever find my place?” 

I should be here and I should have accomplished this and that. I should be earning 6-digits by now, have a full-time job and a steady career. I should not be living with my parents. I should have a significant other. I should have more savings for travel and emergencies. I should be investing more. I should….I should…I should….my oh my, a never-ending list! 

My palms get sweaty and my heart beats faster instantly. I should…I should…I should be this far in life… I should have this type of job…I should…I should…

Will I ever be like one of my favorite social media influencers? No, not literally as a social media influencer, but more like—will I ever find my place and finally thrive? I’m pretty picky about who I follow on Instagram, as I think everyone should be. The people I choose to follow are the ones who inspire and empower me. What I love about many of their stories is how similar they are at their core: they struggled, they felt lost, and they were completely unmotivated at certain points in their lives. But then, over time, things started to fall into place. And now, they’re living their dream lives, doing things they never thought were possible.

That’s one of the main reasons I follow them—they remind me of where I am right now. I feel like I’m in the same spot they used to be, and I hold onto the hope that one day, I’ll be looking back, seeing how far I’ve come, and finally manifesting all my goals and dreams. I’m waiting for that moment when I’m living my life to the fullest, you know?

I keep waiting…and waiting…and waiting…some days I feel on top of the world…and others, I only have the motivation to watch Dance Moms…iykyk…

Sometimes, everything seems so scary. Everything seems unpredictable and gloomy out there, even when the sun is shining brightly into my room. My anxiety has peaked like never before. It’s like a heavy cloud hanging over me, even on the clearest days. Every little thing feels like a big wave, and I’m just trying to stay afloat. Even the smallest tasks can feel overwhelming, and it’s hard to focus on anything other than the chaos brewing inside my mind.

I know that comparison is the thief of joy, but it is so hard to not compare my current mundane, monotonous life to others that I know. When you have friends earning over $100K, when you have friends traveling the world because they have the money already saved up, when you have friends not living at home with their parents because they can afford to, when you have friends going on weekend getaways, when you have friends….the list seems to be able to go on. 

I apply to job after job after job, and for everyone that knows, job searching and applying is tedious, overwhelming and outright intimidating. It is no simple feat. Some days, I apply to five jobs and feel great, yet then I go weeks without applying because I can’t get the stinking motivation to search and apply…so here I am, further exacerbating and elongating my job hunt…

And then I question everything: Do I even really want to apply to this job or am I just applying because I should? Do I really want to work a corporate 9-5 full time job (news flash: I do not!) but how else will I “make it” in life? Do I want to work in this role, or that role? What about this other role? Ugh, I love it yet I don’t have the qualifications. Will I ever be qualified for any role? Will anyone want to hire me?

The self-doubt creeps in with every job application. I feel like I used to have more confidence in myself, but in a world that’s so competitive, it’s hard to hold onto that confidence. It often feels like it slips away when the pressure builds.

But here’s the thing: I’m learning to accept that it’s okay to not have everything figured out right now. The pressure, the comparisons, the “shoulds”—they’re all part of the process. It’s messy, and it’s uncomfortable, but it’s also where growth happens. I don’t need to have it all together today. I’m allowed to take my time, to stumble, to rest, and to start over. I’m not in a race, even though it often feels like it. I’m on my own path, and one day, when I look back, I’ll see how far I’ve come. I’m still waiting, yes, but I’m learning to trust the journey and, most importantly, trust myself.

Oh, and I must share one of my all-time favorite social media girlies everrrrr! Nat from @itsnataliecass !

She has been so incredibly inspiring to me as I figure out…life…

A post from her podcast page on “5 Reminders for the Multipassionate Baddies who Feel Overwhelmed.”